I’m not going to validate my experience


Just because you cannot see my pain, doesn’t mean I have to validate its existence to you. I get I mask my pain well. I get I am stoic. But the pain is there and it is brutal to deal with.

Lately I have had this issue with work. I call in sick for a brutal 9 migraines, often with other compromising symptoms… the diarrhea or vomiting issues. I can’t function. I certainly cannot drive. So I call in. And the assistance branch manager doesn’t believe my pain is sufficient to be calling in sick. She insists I come in as ‘soon as I can’.

I get they need me. I get no one wants to be short staffed. Oh I get that. But I don’t call in on a whim here.

This is getting problematic since it is the spring weather here that is causing the issue. And then when combined with menstrual migraines… I was hit Hard. So what I have been doing is treating as aggressively as possible then trying to sleep a bit and then going in… and this is difficult because the aggressive treatment isn’t always effective. So I get there and I am in significant pain. And make significant mistakes. And get in trouble for those mistakes. I can’t function though. And forcing it isn’t something I can do. I can barely understand what the customer is even saying to me.

And I am wondering why I have to validate the pain I am in? I called in because it was severe. Not because I could handle it like every, other, freaking day. But because it was too severe.

Here is the thing about chronic pain. There will be people you will deal with that will doubt your pain. They will think it is less intense than it is. They will not comprehend pain is variable. Or they simply doubt its existence. And sometimes this makes us defensive and like we have to prove our pain. We don’t. In no way shape or form do we have to validate our pain to people like that. If it is your doctor… get a new damn doctor. Point is we can choose to educate them and they can choose to be not listen. But we do not have to validate our experience with people like that.

I don’t know what I am going to do about work because the problem is mine… the migraines have been very severe lately. And that is affecting my work. Which is a problem. It is always a problem. Always a complicated problem. I suspect I will have to talk to the pain clinic about it if I clearly have not been able to function with them myself.



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