The facade

I have been interested in the facade we use to mask our pain for some time. Because I do it very well. Too well. Partly because of my personality that doesn’t like to express emotions. Partly because I don’t like to look weak and for some reason think showing pain or some sort of fragile emotion is a sign of weakness. Partly because doctors have taught me over the years to be stoic and to underestimate my pain, lest they think I am exaggerating as woman are wont to do with all their emotions and whatnot… medical stigma is not amusing. Partly because it makes it easier to pretend to function. Or to save family from seeing me suffer. See? That is a lot of reasons to hide pain. So many it becomes hard to talk about it honestly. Say, hey, I am really suffering here and having a hard time coping. Which in the past, that inability, didn’t work out well for me.


This is an article I wrote on it previously:

Continue reading “The facade”


The lies we tell


On my blog I will say I am in a crapton of pain. To my family, sometimes, I will mention it as well… if it is in that high range that is getting to me. But I lie a lot to others and to family.

I lie because… I don’t need to validate my pain to everyone I meet.

I lie because… I don’t always feel like talking about my pain, I feel like surviving it and coping with it.

I lie because… I don’t feel like getting false sympathy.

I lie because… I don’t feel like getting ‘advice’.

I lie because… I know most people do not really want to know how I feel and are just being polite.

I lie because… no one benefits from the explanation of my pain and I just want to get through it. Sometimes the facade I use gets me through the day better if I just pretend.

I lie because… explanations tire me. I get tired of constantly explaining to people what I migraine really is like and how it is really affecting me.

I lie because… I don’t want my loved ones to know how bad it really is.

I lie because… it isn’t anyone’s business but mine, unless I choose to tell them. It is my prerogative to keep it to myself.


It has a lot to do with functioning in society with people I don’t know, acquaintances and co-workers. I don’t owe anything to any of these people. I tend to hide the pain with my stoic pain facade. Or when at work with my super customer service facade. And I want to get through the day with pain alive. It is only friends and family that we really need to connect with communication wise. The rest of them it is on a as need basis. Or if the pain is too high to hide. It is just as simple as that. So we lie by omission. We do not tell people how we really feel. And if we did, they would think we were chronic complainers. Or saying too much information. Or fake sympathy. It does no one any good to know really.

It does create a sense of isolation working in a lot of pain, faking your way through the day masking the pain as best as you can struggling to function… when no one notices and/or cares. And we wonder why no one cares about the suffering we have to endure. Few people, if any notice. The few that do, wouldn’t know what to do about it regardless.