Poem: Madness #WSPD

A poem I wrote after my first suicide attempt. Keep in mind I refer to madness as the fact we are expected to endure and function through this pain essentially untreated.

That Night

    The world was silent and still

Madness reigned and ruled

Pain echoed through my soul

     Madness sang;

This isn’t right!

To be grounded into this life

To know this endless battle

Understand bodily strife

The world was silent and still

Madness reigned and ruled

Pain echoed through my soul

Madness sang;

Don’t play this game.

I screamed to the night,

It isn’t right!

Silence reigned

The world was silent and still

Madness reigned and ruled

Pain echoed through my soul

I wished to slip away

Silence the pain that way

sought the end denied me

yet stayed.

Never free.

The world spun away

my screams echoed

madness reigned

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Poem for pain awareness month

the world is your oyster (1)

This poem is something I wrote a few years ago for a migraine poetry contest. I have posted it again because the poem is about chronic migraines. I don’t really need to explain it it rather explains itself. The poem itself about the migraine life. The first stanza: the migraine. Second stanza: The battle, with no victory. We struggle to survive and there is no mercy. Third Stanza: The suffering. It basically depicts what I feel about the chronic migraine experience.

Now the phrase ‘Dancing on the dagger’s edge’ came from a book I wrote which I won’t get into, but I began to use it for my own experience after that. Dancing on the dagger’s edge is when we don’t have a migraine… yet, but with chronic migraines we are a slip away from being cut by it. In our lives we are always in a dance with that pain. Then we get stabbed when it actually strikes us. Soon as I feel something coming on in the prodrome or an aura I will say I am dancing on the dagger’s edge, because I am referring to the migraine pain aspect; the dagger cut me already but I have yet to be stabbed.

There is a lot of references to ‘Pain with no bloodshed’, ‘I am slain but not bled’ and ‘cut but not slain’… because chronic pain is invisible. There is no injury. There is no blood. There is no end of life. There is just the migraine, and pain if you get it.

I reference the battle and a war with no victory, because I wanted to emphasis that point about chronic pain… we have no victory. We have a fight on our hands. A battle, and those battle lines fluctuate forwards and backwards but we never get the victory.

At the time I wrote the poem I was really struggling in survival mode with no effective treatment and that is where the lines “struggle to survive with no mercy” and “I am slain but not bled’ came from. It is very much a struggle to survive when you are in survival mode. When you live an existence and not a life. When your pain is not in the least bit managed. I am slain but not bled, simply means this pain knocks you down for the count but also it can destroy you in some ways.

Poem: Going Status

The poem is about going into a status migraine. Which is an acute migraine that last longer than three days… can last weeks. Pain level is very intense. I wrote it because I am in it.

Status migrainelocked me in paincrowded me out of my brain

Going Status

Status migraine
locked me in pain,
crowded me out of my brain,
frantically trying to stay sane.

Yet, yet it remains,
Impossible to sustain,
I must take the pain and constrain,
This, status migraine, my relentless bane

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Poem Mercy: Mercy #Blogboost

Mercy, mercy meI want to be set free.I’m begging for releaseIt all has to cease.Mercy, mercy meHear my pleaThere must be an endI need to transcend.

My new poem is called Mercy

Mercy, mercy me

I want to be set free.

I’m begging for release.

It all has to cease.

 

Mercy, mercy me.

Hear my please.

There must be an end.

I need to transcend.

 

The poem is about being locked into a very high intensity migraine. Around the 9 to 9.5 range or even a 10. The idea of it is that it can be taken either way. It can be taken as someone begging for the pain to end, get relief and transcend the pain. And it can be taken for someone who is in so much pain they are suicidal and they want to end the pain, be free of it ‘there must be an end’ and transcend beyond this world. I wanted it to be ambiguous because frankly I have been in both. Frantic for the pain to end. And so frantic I will end it. Both show the desperate edge of pain. The pain has us begging for mercy.

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