Migraineur musing Monday: Plans

Life is 10% of what happens to us and 90% how we respond to it..png

You ever notice with chronic migraines plans become tentative inclinations instead of set deals? People invite me to events on Facebook and I am ‘maybe’ because I don’t know what sort of migraine hell I will be in… or if I could have tempered the storm adequately enough to enjoy said event.

Maybe you will see me. Maybe you will not. Yes, I am very aware this is ludicrous for some events and I have to be specific in some cases. But I do love flexibility.

No one wants to Cancel plans. I have, though. Hell, yes, I have. I have every intention of going somewhere and damn well enjoying myself and when it comes down to the minute I am in the midst of the high pain zone or the otherwise can’t leave the bathroom sort of sick migraine symptoms.

So I like it when I Can be flexible and I love it when friends accept that I actually have to be flexible. It does make for some vague social inclinations though.



Feeling cabin fever but in too much pain to drive or leave the house (2)

With pain comes isolation. With winter comes hibernation.

I see a psychologist for pain management who is rather insistent I socialize more. Good for mood. I on the other hand, have a hard time of it because every time I do something the pain just amplifies. And I have a hard time enjoying that.

He asks me, after not seeing me for three months ‘Have I been getting out more?’

I reply, ‘I went out of coffee with my mom, went to play cards with friends and went out with a friend one night.’

He says, ‘Three times. You remember three times.’

I laugh. Yes, indeed that is all I remember. Unless doctor appointments count. He said, no, no, they do not. But it is winter and it is not exactly encouraging for socializing for me. Not to mention I am introverted and once a month is actually cool for me. And with the pain, this seems a practical amount of time.

When I was in University freshman, back in the day, I did socialize a lot and I suffered for it. I couldn’t keep up with everyone else. I ended up taking a year off and when I returned I modified my social time to once every two weeks. Some of which would be at home with friends over. And this modification was a vast improvement. This was pre-migraine though. Once the migraines kicked in I modified that again. And then I went all out hermit for a bit in order to try and maintain some semblance of work, with no energy to spare for Anything else. And now I am up to once a month, or once every couple of months. That isn’t all our hermit. Considering my everyday pain levels I think it is pretty impressive really.

He is really into this idea. I am really not.

I suppose I would be if the migraines were not daily. My body would reconsider the idea then. As it is, I am tentative on socializing. Restrictive. And careful. I understand his notion. I will be in pain anyway. Might as well have a life. But I think he fails to grasp just how magnified a migraine can get in certain environments that are not controled. It can be downright aggressive. There is potential on triptan days, of course. But aggravating the brain on a triptan day pretty much guarantees the migraine is going to come back. Still, I have used the triptan ‘window’ to socialize.