You ever notice with chronic migraines plans become tentative inclinations instead of set deals? People invite me to events on Facebook and I am ‘maybe’ because I don’t know what sort of migraine hell I will be in… or if I could have tempered the storm adequately enough to enjoy said event.
Maybe you will see me. Maybe you will not. Yes, I am very aware this is ludicrous for some events and I have to be specific in some cases. But I do love flexibility.
No one wants to Cancel plans. I have, though. Hell, yes, I have. I have every intention of going somewhere and damn well enjoying myself and when it comes down to the minute I am in the midst of the high pain zone or the otherwise can’t leave the bathroom sort of sick migraine symptoms.
So I like it when I Can be flexible and I love it when friends accept that I actually have to be flexible. It does make for some vague social inclinations though.
With pain comes isolation. With winter comes hibernation.
I see a psychologist for pain management who is rather insistent I socialize more. Good for mood. I on the other hand, have a hard time of it because every time I do something the pain just amplifies. And I have a hard time enjoying that.
He asks me, after not seeing me for three months ‘Have I been getting out more?’
I reply, ‘I went out of coffee with my mom, went to play cards with friends and went out with a friend one night.’
He says, ‘Three times. You remember three times.’
I laugh. Yes, indeed that is all I remember. Unless doctor appointments count. He said, no, no, they do not. But it is winter and it is not exactly encouraging for socializing for me. Not to mention I am introverted and once a month is actually cool for me. And with the pain, this seems a practical amount of time.
When I was in University freshman, back in the day, I did socialize a lot and I suffered for it. I couldn’t keep up with everyone else. I ended up taking a year off and when I returned I modified my social time to once every two weeks. Some of which would be at home with friends over. And this modification was a vast improvement. This was pre-migraine though. Once the migraines kicked in I modified that again. And then I went all out hermit for a bit in order to try and maintain some semblance of work, with no energy to spare for Anything else. And now I am up to once a month, or once every couple of months. That isn’t all our hermit. Considering my everyday pain levels I think it is pretty impressive really.
He is really into this idea. I am really not.
I suppose I would be if the migraines were not daily. My body would reconsider the idea then. As it is, I am tentative on socializing. Restrictive. And careful. I understand his notion. I will be in pain anyway. Might as well have a life. But I think he fails to grasp just how magnified a migraine can get in certain environments that are not controled. It can be downright aggressive. There is potential on triptan days, of course. But aggravating the brain on a triptan day pretty much guarantees the migraine is going to come back. Still, I have used the triptan ‘window’ to socialize.